My Early Career Crisis (2014 - 2015) | /en/2018/02/career-crisis/

Guest *Nicholas Tierney* @ 2018-02-16 18:42:58 originally posted:

Yihui, thank you for sharing this very real story. It is encouraging to know that even someone like yourself, whose tools fundamentally changed how I work on a day to day basis (in a good way!), has had struggles with procrastination. I feel inspired to do more, and plan better.

Again, thank you for sharing!

Guest *Eric* @ 2018-02-16 22:30:18 originally posted:

Yihui: I cannot thank you enough for your time and generosity for sharing your personal journey and lessons learned through your experiences. I will echo Nicholas' view that your story inspires me to be much better at many aspects of my work and other collaborations. It's been an honor to have you on my podcast and you are always welcome back anytime!

Guest *eduardoarinodelarubia* @ 2018-02-17 10:54:13 originally posted:

Hello Yihui. I wanted to just say that this was a very powerful blog post, thank you for sharing it. I recently purchased Dalio's book, after having been indoctrinated in the thought process by a number of former Bridgewater alumni and I must admit, it's really helped me a lot. I think I am becoming a better thinker and a better partner because of it. I hope you find the same.

In my 1:1s with direct reports I often ask "do you have any questions" or sometimes I ask: "Is there anything I can do for you?" I am finding that, like you mention, those are hard things for people to respond to. I will look to try to find a better way to actually accomplish my goal. Thank you again for sharing, and I am at your service if you ever need anything.

Guest *Ian Lyttle* @ 2018-02-17 16:05:25 originally posted:

Yihui: when I first saw this post, I knew I needed to procrastinate really reading it until I could devote my full attention to it - I am very glad that I did.

Let me add my voice to Eduardo's - I, too, am at your service.

Guest *Phoebe Wong* @ 2018-02-17 21:02:40 originally posted:

Yihui, thanks for sharing your personal story. It was very powerful, inspirational and educational. Sharing a similar cultural background, I am also learning how to strike a balance between freedom and execution. Thanks for sharing again!

Guest *yihan* @ 2018-02-18 12:45:05 originally posted:

Thank you for sharing your memorable events with us. The "putting official work aside and pursuing side projects" struggles you went through would probably resonate with a lot of phD students. Yet most of us either forget the past pains or pretend that they never happened. I'm impressed by your picturesque recount of the less glamorous parts of the past and how you imbibe strength from it. Very encouraging indeed.

@yihanxu

Guest *Maximilian Held* @ 2018-02-18 18:35:58 originally posted:

I think you're a very brave and thoughtful person, thanks so much for sharing this Yihui.

It also seems to me that some of the challenges you mention (choosing among the many projects out there, being bludgeoned with issues, overcommitment) are just really hard problems, perhaps especially in our time and in (open source) development. Maybe it's a privilege, but also a tremendous burden.

I imagine others might face similar stressors (I know I do, though at a much much lower level of competence), and perhaps we can learn from how you took them on.

Your story reminded me of this quote, apparently by Ian Maclaren:

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

So I'll try to remember that when benefiting again from your and your colleagues generous work, and when posting an issue.

Guest *Z* @ 2018-02-18 23:57:08 originally posted:

thanks for sharing!! though would love an abstract...

Guest *Jiena Gu* @ 2018-02-19 15:12:11 originally posted:

Hi Yihui,

This is such a great post and I have learned a lot from you. As a fresh graduate student in an (kind of) industry job, I am facing what you were facing. One big change is loss of freedom but gain of money. It is very hard to fight with procrastination too. One of my ways is to set up a time frame for each issue/question, just like doing the exam on 8 hours per day (2.5 mins per question). This way will stress me to get things done in a very short time.

By the way, I am glad to hear that you have recovered from the past crisis. Hopefully your salary is recovered too.:) Just remember that many of our works are heavily depend on your packages (especially "knitr") so you are very important!

@jienagu

Guest *Will Landau* @ 2018-02-21 21:54:24 originally posted:

Yihui, your story is as helpful as it is brave. I think so many of us can relate.

Guest *Vidya M Shankar* @ 2018-02-23 01:50:34 originally posted:

Thanks for your post . Yes , it’s really difficult to say ‘No’ sometimes at work or in personal life and end up working half-heartedly ....

Guest *Mingshuo Ji* @ 2018-02-23 05:26:38 originally posted:

Hi Yihui,

I am touched and inspired by your story. You are amazing! I have asked several questions on R to you, and always got prompt replies from you. I know you work very hard, but have never imaged that you have been dedicated to the R community like this. Thanks for your work, and hope you can really enjoy both life and work!

Guest *Isabella Ghement* @ 2018-02-23 15:56:54 originally posted:

Yihui, this is a very touching post - thank you for writing it and sharing it with all of us. A lot of what we do in the outer world is simply a deflection from the issues we face in our inner world. But when we are ready to look at those issues with unflinching honesty and take steps to remedy them, we can heal ourselves and grow into better human beings.

If our ability to love ourselves is diminished, we use the love and praise we receive from other people as a substitute for self-love - while this works well as a temporary solution, it can also create a perpetuating addiction (as you seem to have discovered) of wanting more and more love and praise. To get other people's love and praise, we have to "perform" and "do". In contrast, to get self-love, we just have to "be". Loving ourselves for our intrinsic value transcends the fickle world of "performing" or "not performing", of "doing" or "not doing". It really sounds like you have made big strides in bringing more self-love into your life and you feel more grounded and balanced for it.

For many of us, the first half of our life is spent battling ourselves and our demons. It's when we learn to make peace with ourselves that the second part of our life can really blossom. I think all people should strive to learn how to feel good inhabiting their minds and bodies so they can enjoy life more. This requires hard work but pays off enormous dividends.

Procrastination, perfectionism, creativity and learning go hand in hand. I wonder if we procrastinate more over tasks where we know upfront there is no scope for perfectionism, creativity and learning to unfold - the tasks are just too boring and mundane. Our minds like to be challenged and stretched and these types of tasks provide no intrinsic rewards. One way to tackle them would be to add an extrinsic reward to them so that our brain can still get its "kick" after completing the task.

All my best,

Isabella

Guest *stacksonstacks* @ 2018-02-24 04:39:19 originally posted:

This is one for the bookmarks! Truly epic. Thanks for sharing.

Guest *cweat* @ 2018-02-24 06:26:25 originally posted:

DT may not be your favorite work ever, but I have to tell you it was that package specifically that got me the results that a CFO wanted. And those results got me where I am today.

And on top of that, when I had questions about the package, you were always much cooler than you could have been (and a lot of open source maintainers are).

Thank you for that.

Guest *Bella Feng* @ 2018-02-27 21:08:44 originally posted:

wow, Yihui, I just finished the first part of Dalio's book and i thought about you and read this post. I am speechless. I saw a lot of parallels and similarities between your journey and mine, though I can't hold a candle to you in terms skills and passion toward open source. This post has been super inspiring and very timely for me in a time of uncertainty and my personal journey of finding my purpose in life, and learn to "just be".
Thank you and there's nothing wrong in enjoying the love and praises you deserve, and nothing wrong to be "selfish" sometimes. I think you are too hard on yourself.
best,
Bella

Guest *Hongyuan Jia* @ 2018-03-01 07:36:44 originally posted:

Yihui, it is a very encouraging story. I am a mechanical Ph.D. student and am struggling for graduation. I did not like my major, and feel so comfortable and inspired when writing my first R package. I often ran into the same situation as you did before: the conflict between what you want to do and what you have to do. For me, I want to become a software engineer in the future, although right now I only know R and love it. On the other hand, I have to deal with a lot of academic stuff, which I really don't like, before I can graduate.

Thanks again for sharing your personal journey and it is really inspiring.

Guest *Emi Tanaka* @ 2018-09-26 13:23:57 originally posted:

I really need to read your blogs more often. I empathise a lot with what you say here. I love my passion projects and I really wish I have more time on them but alas responsibility kicks in. Thanks for sharing Yihui! Admire your openness and reflectiveness and meticulousness of your reference links :)

Guest *Dan Reznik* @ 2020-08-03 12:00:31 originally posted:

yihui I find great resonance with your personal assessment. for some of us, we need to work on our own stuff and be done w it.

Guest *Aaron Simumba* @ 2020-12-04 20:58:31 originally posted:

Once in a while I always have to come back to this blog post to remind myself, that it is a process and not a one-off event, to become the better version of yourself.

Guest *fan* @ 2022-12-01 07:28:39 originally posted:

Very inspiring stories. Thank you.

@thinkfan

Hi Yihui,

I discovered your blog only recently, and it is heartening to read the words you write, especially this post. When I first read through some of them, I could only be intimidated by the sheer amount of work you have done. However, posts like this and a few others, make it more relatable that every one of us started out making dumb mistakes and then the truly efficient ones are those that learn from them. I have a hard time deciding to focus my energy on one project (general projects, not computer-oriented), since several other projects, sometimes unrelated, fight to occupy my curiosity. Your words offer me perspective and hope in resolving problems in a manner that future me would be proud of.

Thank you for writing these words, and being honest with ups and downs in your life. I seem to be on a marathon reading all of your posts.

Hi Yihui, thanks for sharing. I just came back from your most recent post in 2024 and read about your “issues” at the beginning of your career.

I only had two statistics courses in my life but I was surprisingly drawn to your story and even cried when seeing you got hurt, but eventually found the cure. It is interesting to see how people at different stages in their life, sharing different experiences and passions, could find resonance with each other. Perhaps it is because I am also a person that “always has some issues” and ridiculous OCD, and the cause of both is, not unexpected, a share of empathy and intolerance of imperfection. There is unlikely to be a cure once and for all, and I believe the process of solving these issues itself is probably the meaning of life—like how you are into debugging, I find sharing words with the communities an interest of mine.

I was also surprised by your unwavering effort in developing packages, platforms, and resources for the use of R in China and beyond. As a student who once used them in class, I would say that your passion in career as a software engineer has far-reaching impact (I am also a person bad at accepting praises but this one is true from the heart). It is true, as the quote you shared above, “every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns into who you are tomorrow.” In a world as today, many find it impossible to stick to what they like and not yield to the pressure of life. I was moved by your persistence and I truly hope in another post, perhaps ten or twenty years later, you are still on the way to the future you have always dreamt of.

I hope life could “hurt” people with dedicated pursuit like you less so that they could still choose to “believe.”

I like how you end with “the future” section in each and every one of your posts. I was not a straight A student throughout my whole life and managed to work out the right answer for each stage, but words as such make me believe that there is always the possibility, and the need, to search for something new, something unexpected tomorrow. In the end, this is what enchanting about creation, right? Oftentimes I turn into the world of arts, literature, and history for help and a moment of relief. I am not sure whether those texts or images from thousands of years ahead of me would provide any answer into the future.

“Don’t let life randomly kick you into the adult you don’t want to become.” Hope we can all follow these words and answer the heart’s true calling.

I once wrote a retrospective on Cillian Murphy in student newspaper, and there is a quote that I find empowering and would love to share with you: “I can’t remember which director said it, but he said it takes 30 years to make a good actor.”

Who knows how many years it takes to excel in life, but not giving up is the answer with no use-by dates.

Yihui, thank you for sharing your real story. I have experiences similar to yours, and this post is very helpful to me. I am afraid of making mistakes, and when I do make mistakes, I choose to escape them. After reading this post, I started to change step by step. Thank you for your sharing. COS is a very good community to help me learn data science. Thank you for your efforts.